HELL YEAH

Captain America [#america] Breaking News! Communism Full Contact Сurriculum Vitæ FUCK YEAH! ✓ SENT I'm still waiting for you Yours truly, Camptain America™. The picture is snatched from the Devianart . punch 1 ◄ ► instagram — 2000 — 2002 1988 — 1995 — 2005 — 2009 — 2010 — 2012 — 2013 — 2015 — 2016 — I was born. Went to some school. Tried smoking for the first time. Tried vodka for the first time. Enrolled at Odessa National Polytechnic University, department of systems software development. You can't even imagine what kind of bullshit this is. Got a job of a frontend developer at "Mart" studio. Went to work for "Cooper" studio as a programmer. Was building a startup named "Speechyard".. Learning about coprorate values with "Provectus" Feeling myself as an autist with "Spotware". Stopped feeling myself as an autist with "Exness". This is my childhood and I don't remember a thing about it. The only thing I do remember is that, aged nine, I was raped by the Lizard King behind the lavatory. Here's where I studied. Being a standard zombified nerd, got straight As all through the first three grades. Having picked up some wisdom along the way, stoped showing up to classes for the last three years. Yellow stripe stands for urine. That's the only thing associated with Polytech University Here I got introduced to the misterious world of web developmement and was dumping the market by churning out websites 100$ each, just like a student should. Greetings to all Mart blokes. Those who stayed and those who left. Websites! Quickly! Web stores! Yesterday was the deadline! Fuck! Fucking shit! Lebedev! Lebedev! Lebedev! Young but rapidly growing and very ambitious startup, lol. Quite pleasing. It was disguisting. Using * → * It's trendy these days to dim out the logotypes and make them full coloured when hovering over. Am I worse than others? To stop you from thinking that I just gathered all the logotypes I know of you can learn just how killer my skills are with one simple click. Have over 6 years of experience with the divine PHP. ООП, MVC, ORM, AJAX, patterns of all sorts and so on. Every single (even the lamest) function names itself as @phpdoc. The code is perfecly indented and sleek as shit. No @ and goto. I know MySQL as well as PHP. MyISAM, InnoDB, enormous requests, external keys and other exciting details. They say is's the most banging future of SQL-world, that we need to strive for like it's communism victory. Trendy, youthful, stylish, nosql-ish. Vwry decent thing, as good as the glorious Yii. Quickly developing, well supported and showing all these fucking snobs that PHP can also be modern and flexible. One of my most favourite PHP frameworks. I can write anything with this thing. Then cache it, uncache it and export it to XML. Am able to use both versions. Pile of slow fuming horseshit. The worst thing to have happened to PHP in the history of the Universe. Each minute of working with htis framework causes me to have tremendous aches and pains in my anal area. Even the logotype of this shit is always black. Mother fuck. Another good PHP framework that I have had the pleasure of using. Currently dead. To hell with it then! My first framework. Just now realising what rubbish it is. This set of function cannot be called a framework. But the cruel life made me deal even with suchlike things. Doctrine, YAML are attached. Don't really undestand all the hype around Angular. Stupid and illogical. Godlike JS framework. Pretty sure that if Ancient Greek gods had worked as frontend developers, they would have used Vue. I used to install plug ins and rave over cool animations and effects. Now have achieved enlightment I can write my own fantastic plug in. With black jack and hookers. Automate it, beatch! Was doing page layout for a long time. Tables, CSS-hacks and pngfixes for Explorer. Currently keeping up to date with all kinds of HTML5 и CSS3, doing page layout for my own stuff (like this website). Don't even wanna hear about supporting outdated browsers. Can use Smarty 2 and 3 with most graceful ease. Recursion? There you have it. Capture, wrap? Easy peasy. Actually I'm kinda missing @iteration in PHP foreach. Template maker for non-conformists from the creators of Symfony. Pretty decent thing, much unlike Symfony itself. Even an ape can embed a map. I, as an ape with qualifications can insert dots, baloons, lines, squares, read coordinates etc. Having done an infinite number of promo sites and catalogs on MODX, I finally remembered the difference between snippet and chunk as well as the fact that Revolution version does not work when eAccelerator is on. Also familiar with the monstrous Drupal. Had to get bit kinky, doing business cards, catalogs and galleries for Wordpress. Would like no more of such thing. Still see it in my nightmares. See moar → — Great command of Windows, Linux, Mac OS; — Embedding payment systems; — Driving a rear-wheel drive car; — Grammar nazi Adamant believer of correct spelling and punctuation. Know key combinations for emdash and cyrilic quotation marks by heart; — Am prepared to learn heretical technologies, if need be (Node.JS, Python etc); — Not fucking around with deadlines; — Completed my account on Linkedin ; — Have a permanent full-time job and am not doing any other projects on the side.