Jokes

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Categories : Secretary • Vulgar • Wordplay Joke about cowboys A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?" The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?" Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast." Categories : Cowboys Joke about a (letter) What letter should you avoid? The letter A because it makes men mean. Categories : A (letter) Joke about penis Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Categories : Penis Joke about penis What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus! Categories : Penis Joke about doctor The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, "I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?". "Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor". Categories : Doctor Joke about job interview A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss . The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?" The man says "I'm probably too honest." The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality." The man replies, "I don't give a shit what you think!" Categories : Job interview Joke about women, men and dream Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat . Categories : Women and Men • Dream Joke about children and lawyer Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog . The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer. Categories : Children • Lawyer Joke about dishwasher What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her. Categories : Dishwasher Joke about cannibals black 2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her." Categories : Cannibals • Black Joke about beer and bar A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As hes drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom. When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO". Categories : Beer • Bar Joke about vagina vulgar - How is a pussy like a grapefruit? - The best ones squirt when you eat them. Categories : Vagina • Vulgar Joke about doctor and sex A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!” The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.” “Nah,” she says, “that’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.” Categories : Doctor • Sex Joke about school vulgar Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?” Sarah waves her hand, “Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!” Miss Rogers says, “All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?” Sarah says, “Mas-tur-bate.” Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, Sarah, that’s a mouthful.” Sarah says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.” Categories : School • Vulgar Joke about secretary and sex Two guys – Jerry and Carl – were discussing the sexy new office secretary. Jerry whispered to Carl: “I dated her last Tuesday and we had amazing sex. I know I shouldn’t say this, but she’s a lot better in bed than my wife.” Two days later, Carl came up to Jerry and said: “I dated the secretary last night and we had sex too. But I still think that in bed your wife is much better.” Categories : Secretary • Sex Joke about husband, wife and sex A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!” He said, “Explain the kids!” Categories : Husband and wife • Sex Joke about sex Two men were having a drink together. One said: "I had sex with my wife before we got married. What about you?" The other replied: "I don’t know. What was her maiden name?" Categories : Sex Joke about shoe vulgar - Babe is it in? - Yea! - Does it hurt ? - Uh huh. - Let me put it in slowly. - It still hurts. - Okay, let’s try another shoe size. 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